Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
