My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
