STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
