Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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