you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
