Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
40s are totally the cure
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
