You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
