Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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