I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
