Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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