Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
