i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
