I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bring money and cleavage
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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