Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
