I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there was a trapeze. enough said
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
