Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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