Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
