super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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