david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
