if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
