I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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