For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
