he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
