Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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