eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
