dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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