His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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