Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
