Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
