Already got asked if we're dating
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
