wakey wakey hands off snakey
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
