I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
