dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
