the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
