Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
