Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
