Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I did not marry a roomba.
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