I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
