Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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