I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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