he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
