You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
