Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
