my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
