my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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