And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
