Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
