literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
