i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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