I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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