You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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